CREATIVE WRITING - HANG A THOUSAND TREES WITH RIBBONS

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Pain? Discomfort? Betrayal? Deception? I know I manage the English language in a breathtaking way, yet I could not find any word to describe what I was feeling when Prince told me that. There will never be any existing dictionary that can define such emotion. Freedom… With just a paper I could be free like the birds back in Africa, like the flowers blooming in the garden, like the clouds moving with the wind. Why hasn’t Nathaniel said anything about it? Doesn’t he care about me? I want to be free, be someone, be myself, not only the Wheatley family shadow. 

The moment Prince informed me about it everything seemed to stop. The world didn’t make sense anymore. Now it wasn’t even supposed to make sense. My reality has been an insolent trap all this time which I am unable to get out of. Right now, my head can be easily compared with a spiral, thoughts circling around without an end; However, what is the point of it? My own thoughts, aspirations, and desires are worthless here. I think just to please someone, I learn to just honor my masters, I study just to pass from being Phillis, the slave, to Phillis the slave that reads. The benefits, and  the privileges I have are not for me, and they never were. They are for the pride of someone else that isn’t me. I feel used. 

The belief of not being enough was never present in my life. I was a good daughter, a good friend, even a good slave, yet it is currently consuming every single piece of me. The idea of working hard to be more than a simple slave, the desire of filling everyone with amazement for my abilities, my hope, my pride, my inspirations… where are they? I discovered that no matter what I do I will never be more than a belonging. I will never be more than submission. I will never be enough for what I wish to achieve in life. I will never be enough for myself. Only if I had that paper… I would be enough because I would be free.  

I am planning to confront Nathaniel. I have two simple questions, how could he? And why can’t he? He was the only one that I could truly trust, the only one that truly understood me, the only one that truly cared about me, and  the only one that truly betrayed me. I think it is unfair that he kept away from me such an important decision. Why is he the one that decides whether I’m a possession or in liberty? I always perceived him as family, as a friend, but how can you care about someone that has the power of unchaining you, and doesn’t? Now I guess that I will always be attached to my destiny, I will always be like a caged bird,  I will always be Phillis Wheatly… the slave.  

Sofia Pineda  9B